In a move that will shock the football world it seems that perennial soft touch Arsene Wenger is to give his powder puff team some teeth this summer with the free signing of Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton.


Dribbling fuckstick Barton’s contract at Newcastle expires on the 30th of June and Wenger has signed him on a pre contract deal to give his team some “bite and fight” in midfield. Barton, a former Man city player and prisoner was described by Wenger as “a fooking lunatic” in a recent press conference but few would have taken that as a portent he was being approached.

Apparently the move comes after Wenger read posts on an unnamed internet message board that was calling for the team to be more physical, to have more English players, to sign a new DM with some presence and to get a big name signing in to make Samir Nasri sign his contract and Cesc Fabregas want to stay. Well Barton certainly fits that bill and having been banned from Newcastle’s pre-season tour of the states by the US State department due to his criminal record and him potentially being a risk to the public, Wenger new it was time to move.

He could be the perfect fit for many Arsenal fans as well, he is “allegedly” racist, anti-Semitic, violent, narrow minded and an all round cuntflap, so he will be seen by many as a role model and hero.

The Frenchman said “Ve need someone to vinish off Pat Rice and zink Joey could do ze job on him, either that or ve vill get his brother in” That’s not what the fans meant when needing someone to “wield the axe” over the staff...