Champions League final: Do you watch it on ITV or Sky Sports?
It's not just Manchester United v Barcelona - it's also the smooth and capable Adrian Chiles against the Brylcreemed 1950s bus conductor Jeff Stelling
Build-up
ITV
A pared back 45 minutes. Likely to feature
Adrian Chiles doing "funnies" over stadium footage of old/fat/yawning/vulnerable people. Also strolling-ex-pro-with-a-radio-mic interludes where men in suits shout phrases like "this atmosphere - it's absolutely first rate" while people in the crowd do V-signs behind them.
Sky
The full hour and a half. Will feature at least three high-end indie band-soundtracked action montages and a bit where a smartly-dressed reporter wanders around the Camp Nou looking sombre while Catalan guitar music jangles in the background. Plus standard "meandering face-painted fans" ad break segments featuring capering children and a middle aged man in a jester's hat who really should know better by now.
In the studio
ITV
Anchored by the smooth and capable Chiles, successfully toning down his just-another-punter shtick in favour of asking pertinent questions and - a staple for any ITV frontman: witness late-career Bob Wilson – being good at not getting freaked out by the ad break. ITV might yet pull something left-field out of the punditry bag: the big ego manager; or the exquisitely groomed overseas star who appears to have (a) very little conversational English; (b) even less idea who Gareth Southgate is.
Sky
A late-running Jeff Stelling/Ed Chamberlin face-off has seen Stelling's expertise plus Brylcreemed-1950s-bus-conductor good looks triumph over Chamberlin's precocious junior stockbroker. Stelling will be joined by the thigh-chafing interjections of the strangely riveting Jamie Redknapp, Ray Wilkins telling people to stay on their feet in the mannered, soothing voice of an old-fashioned tea dance band-leader, and coming man Gary Neville, for whom this may be a defining moment around the strobe-lit coffee table.
Commentary team
ITV
The excellent Clive Tyldesley, a man who can often be heard tenderly mourning the vanished ecstasy of "that wonderful night in
Barcelona" like a spinster aunt who once knew the love of a Catalan servant boy. Tyldesley will be joined by Andy Townsend. To replicate the experience of an Andy Townsend co-commentary stint repeat the phrase "I'd just like to see united go at 'em Clive" and inhale deeply on a tube of Lynx Executive Hold hair gel.
Sky
Martin Tyler, master craftsman and even in the tensest moments an audio experience as soothing as syringing your ears with essence of late-night Radio 2 preserved in clover honey. Tyler is perhaps Sky's biggest draw for the game, although the chemistry with the similarly-cerebral Alan Smith has yet to reach peak Gray levels, where the alternation between scholarly musings and sudden manly barks recreated the precise structural formula of a classic loud-quiet-loud grunge-era guitar track.
Bias factor
ITV
Likely to maintain the traditional mild British bias of UK terrestrial TV. Tyldesley's swooning United-isms are now simply part of the show.
Sky
Surprisingly impartial, with Redknapp and Graeme Souness particularly prone to extended froths over displays of entirely alien European footballing traits – refined technique, self-expression on the ball, being able to pass properly etc.
Ace card
ITV
That reassuring air of Saturday night prime time, keeping you always just a hop away from a fame-hungry breakdancing halfwit or a provincial police drama series where nothing ever really happens. It's nights like these, Clive, that your Adrian Chileses are all about.
Sky
Souness, English football's best pundit. Passionate, incisive and always wincing with coiled rage. At his best when riled or under the mistaken belief his basic punditry manhood is somehow being impugned. Go on Jamie: have a pop at Souness.
The whole experience feels like
ITV
Having the most basic points of elite club football patiently explained to you by nice men in shiny shirts, one of whom keeps doing his squidgy loveable face and winking at your wife.
Sky
A gleaming intergalactic football symposium beamed back to earth from some future-civilisation built entirely around "great European nights" and the concept of "top, top, top payers Jeff".
Time and place
ITV
7pm ITV1
Sky
6pm Sky Sports 1, Sky Sports HD1
Originally Posted by Ach
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