That could not have worked out worse for you.
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Doesnt take 45 minutes to say i do tbh. Not unless you have a really bad stutter. Do the vows and shit, say i do, have someone stand up when the vicar dude says "does anyone have any reason for these 2 not to be wed" or something like that just for a laugh, cut the cake and whatever else that needs to be done in your white people wedding and find the nearest pub and watch the match.
Im sure she'd understand.
Arsenal needs you more than she does tbh
Letters isn't really white.