Fortunately for you lot, there is no WWLTW this Friday as we look back on a mad summer. Unfortunately for you lot, there is a WWLTW next Friday...
Stupidest decision since Nick Clegg decided to hook up with the Tories award
Arsene Wenger not spending until the last day
Now,
MTW appreciates that it was a difficult summer for Arsenal with their two best players constantly being linked with and eventually moving away, but why on earth didn't the French boss, with all the money he had available to him even prior to their departures, plan ahead and bring in some top drawer signings before the season started?
It's a bit like throwing out all your premium meat from your fridge freezer and then sitting around doing nothing for a few days before suddenly realising you've got guests to feed for dinner in a couple of hours, then frantically dashing to the supermarket and taking whatever's on offer in the bargain bucket aisle.
Whichever spin you put on it, losing Cesc
Fabregas and Samir Nasri and bringing in injury prone replacements hitting the tail end of their careers is a disaster, and it's one that could have been avoided had Wenger took his thumb out of his backside before the season started and signed Juan Mata when he was practically begging to join, and added a top-class centre-back and a dependable left-back. Maybe that sort of ambition may have actually persuaded one of the two stars to stay at the Emirates?
Then again, this is a man who has for several years persisted with such limp-wristed wasters like Tomas Rosicky, Johan Djourou and Manuel Almunia, so nobody can really be shocked at Wenger's galling procrastination.
Most protracted saga
Cesc Fabregas (from Arsenal to Barcelona)
Praise be to the football gods that this move actually came off otherwise we'd have faced another year of Gerard Pique and Xavi reading out their love poems in press conferences while Cesc himself ummed and ahhed and pouted, and Gooners the world over moaned about a nasty team wanting the player they pinched as a kid.
Quote of the window (part I)
"Wages have gone crazy. It's gone beyond belief and made it really hard to compete for top players. If you want to be a top-four side, it's difficult because we can't pay those kind of wages."
If MTW was in Daniel Levy's shoes, it wouldn't even give Harry Redknapp a budget for a packed lunch because he'd probably blow it all on fatty snacks, much like he's splurged Spurs' coffers on mostly rubbish players since he took over.
Envy | 'Arry eyes up Mancini's wallet and wonders how much he could waste with City's budget
Most confusing transfer
Joey Barton (from Newcastle to QPR)
One would have thought that when the best midfielder in England was available he would have had all the best clubs in Europe queuing up to sign him, especially when he was on a free.
Oh that's right, silly old
MTW, it was only Barton himself that said he was the best midfielder in England and he is of course a bit of a liability, what with his tendency to jump on Twitter to slag his club off whenever things don't go as he wants them to.
Still though, he'd have been great for Arsenal, if only for the comedy value.
Best deadline day move
Raul Meireles (from Liverpool to Chelsea)
The Portuguese was treated pretty shabbily by the Reds this summer having not been given the wage increase that he was apparently deemed to have been owed (it was reported that his relatively paltry weekly wage would be increased if he was successful in his first season in
Englishfootball) and then seen players of a lesser calibre on better money, in Jordan Henderson and Charlie Adam, coming in and ousting him from the team.
While Chelsea's last-minute deal for him smacks of desperation on their part (if they really had wanted him as a priority they would have picked him up weeks ago) after crapping themselves by failing to sign Luka Modric, it's still a cracking move for club and player.
The Blues get a decent creative midfielder, while Meireles gets to play in the Champions League and must be on twice the salary he was on at Anfield, which'll keep him nice and happy when he's back on the bench when Michael Essien returns.
Quote of the window (part II)
"The weather, everything. It has nothing."
Carlos Tevez is asked what he dislikes about Manchester.
GOOD WINDOW
|
 Cesc Fabregas
"He's gone, he's gone, hallelujah he's gone!" is what MTW cried out while running naked through a public fountain when the midfielder finally got his move. Good luck and good riddance.
The Manchester clubs
Sergio Aguero, Samir Nasri, Ashley Young, Phil Jones and David de Gea amongst others have all rocked up in the city this summer. Fairly safe to say that unless Liverpool or Chelsea keep their form, the Premier League trophy will be staying up there come May.
Robbie Keane
Rubbish at Liverpool, rubbish at Tottenham, OK at Celtic (though Titus Bramble would look like Franz Beckenbauer in the SPL), rubbish at Tottenham again, rubbish at West Ham so where does he end up? LA Galaxy, of course, to look good in a rubbish league while earning a fortune and living the good life on the beach. Hats off.
Daniel Levy
Not only did he keep his promise of not letting Luka Modric leave, he also managed to get the best part of £20m from Stoke for the unwanted Wilson Palacios and Peter Crouch, while booting out Jermaine Jenas and Alan Hutton to Aston Villa. |
BAD WINDOW
|
 Everton
Everything had looked relatively rosy for David Moyes until deadline day, when Mikel Arteta was sold with no time to bring in a replacement and Jermaine Beckford who had looked handy last year was also given the boot, with only the ego of Royston Drenthe and the untested Denis Stracqualursi coming in.
Arsenal
Lose their two best players and replace them with Arteta and Yossi Benayoun, who are much older than the departed duo, are prone to injuries and have not performed anywhere near their best for almost two years. Oh, and no left-back and no holding midfielder has come in.
Carlos Tevez
Homesick since the day he left South America, the Argentine is going to have to stick it out at least until January after a move to Corinthians fell through while any other potential suitors were put off by City's entirely justified demands for a reported £40m fee.
Aston Villa
While Shay Given is a fine replacement for Brad Friedel, the brittle veteran Irishman has been handed a mammoth long-term deal, and star wingers Ashley Young and Stewart Downing have both gone with only Charles N'Zogbia coming in to replace them. |
It was reported late on Wednesday that the big-spending Russian side wanted to splash out over £40 million on the massive hairy lump masquerading as a top-class striker on Merseyside.
MTW would have loved to have seen that move go through, not only because big Andy partnering Samuel Eto'o up front would be hilarious but he'd be able to finally test himself in the Premier League of the boozing world having spent the last few years nailing Jagerbombs and pints of lagers in the pubs and clubs of the north-east.
Here's hoping they come back in for him in January, by which time he'll probably be an expert at knocking back neat vodka as he slips to fourth-choice striker at Anfield behind Luis Suarez, Dirk
Kuyt and Craig Bellamy the ugliest trio since the Sugababes.
Most surprising signing
Owen Hargreaves (from the treatment table to Manchester City)
Possibly the most bizarre deal of all time went through on deadline day as the permanently injured former Manchester United man joined Roberto Mancini's band of mega-rich midfield merry men.
When asked about the deal, Joe Hart accurately summed up the thoughts of every football fan in the world by saying: "Is he? Wowsers! Where did that come from?!"
Quote of the window (part III)
"I don't want to fight and argue with Tottenham."
Luka Modric here being all nice and sensible
a few days before handing in a transfer request and firing the opening shot in a war of words with the chairman.
Best web page not working
Mario Balotelli's Manchester City profile
On deadline day if you happened to search for the madcap Italian striker's page on the City website it would just display 'internal error' a more accurate and succinct summary of Balotelli's mental state you will never see.
Biggest transfer tease
Park Chu-Young (from Monaco to Arsenal, via Lille)
The South Korean striker had a deal lined up to join the Ligue 1 champions and was penciled in for a medical there, but when the club's directors went to meet him, they found his hotel room empty as he'd hopped on the Eurostar to sign for the Gunners.
He's the footballing equivalent of the girl you chat to all night long in the pub only to see her walk off with your more handsome mate. What a kick in the nuts, eh?
If
MTW were Lille, it would have gone home, banged on some of The Smiths and cried into a pillow. Fortunately,
MTW is not Lille.
Signing most likely to disappoint
Joe Cole (from Liverpool to Lille)
MTW applauds British players going abroad to ply their trade, and takes umbrage with the notion that any departure from English football is a 'step down', but fans of the French club best get used to the chunky midget getting injured, then returning to action, looking good for half a game before spending the rest of it with his hands on his hips, equal parts angry and confused at his body's failure to work.
Quote of the window (part IV)
"I believe for us it is important that the message we give out - for example you see about Fabregas leaving, Nasri leaving - if you give that message out you cannot pretend you are a big club."
- Arsene Wenger says Arsenal are not a big club.
Most annoying transfer protagonist
Neymar (Santos)
The Brazilian with the worst haircut in football has blurted out nonsense to fill the gossip columns all summer, saying he'd love to go to Chelsea, Barcelona or Real Madrid, and even got himself into a stupid spat about whether he's as good as Lionel Messi.
MTW is glad that it will not have to read another tedious story about that little prat wanting to move to Europe for another few months, and if this column does have to read something about that arrogant upstart wanting a transfer across the Atlantic between now and January then it will fly over to Santos and shave his moronic mullet off and give him a few slaps to the face for good measure.
Berk.
The world's biggest mohawk | Now chop it off and zip up your lips, lad
Stupidest pursuit
Stoke City trying to loan Romelu Lukaku
The Potters were linked with a surprise temporary move for Chelsea's Belgian wonderkid only to realise that they couldn't pull it off because it's against Premier League rules for a player to move twice within a transfer window. Oops.
Best joker of the window
Roman Pavlyuchenko (Tottenham)
The clumsy Russian forward has been linked with the exit door since the minute he walked through the entrance at White Hart Lane, but somehow managed to stick around (probably as nobody wanted him because he's pants) this summer, effectively forcing Peter Crouch out of the club.
Top work, Roman.
Worst agent of the window
Whoever represents Scott Dann
The young defender had been linked with Arsenal (who have needed a centre-back for longer than Grant Holt has needed a gastric band fitted) and Liverpool throughout the summer, but wound up on deadline day swapping one lunatic asylum of a club run for another as he moved from Birmingham to Blackburn.
Biggest hypocrite and loud mouth joint award
Harry Redknapp (Tottenham)
When he isn't talking about other club's players, he's moaning about other clubs talking about his, and you can bet your bottom dollar that he'll be flapping his hole indignantly from out of his car to
Sky Sports News, who spent the entire summer pitched up outside Spurs' training ground to catch 'Arry as he headed home (presumably stopping off at a McDonalds drive-in and a few
speedcameras on his way to talk endlessly to them too).
Yet somehow Redknapp a shoo-in for the England job next summer has still got the weight of the media behind him despite his only first-team additions this summer being a goalkeeper who needs a zimmerframe, yet another centre-midfielder, and a car crash of a striker on loan.
And the media lapped him up after his side were hammered 5-1 by Manchester City at the weekend, with the manager pulling a trick straight out of the coward's book by deflecting attention away from his terrible tactics and onto Luka Modric, who he alleged was not in the right frame of mind to play (then don't pick him, you doofus).
Give it a rest, Redknapp.
The 'not a good thing to do in hindsight' award
Phil Gartside (Bolton)
The Trotters' top brass has been giving it the big one for months saying that prized asset Gary Cahill would not be sold for less than £17m amid strong interest from Arsenal and Tottenham, yet the England defender still remains at the Reebok and with his contract running out at the end of the season he's likely to leave for pittance in January or nothing at all next summer.
Smart stuff from the cash-strapped club.
Best Manchester United retirement home
Sunderland
If you've reached the end of your career at Old Trafford, or simply been a failure there, then just give Steve Bruce a ring and he'll sort you out good and proper with a nice contract. Over 30? No worries, he'll still give you a four-year deal on mega money, just ask Wes Brown and John O'Shea.
Originally Posted by hobson's choice
Basically we have have to hope RVP, and Theo can stay healthy, cause if either one of them get hurt, it's 5th/6th. Oh yeah we also have to hope that Ivory Coast and Cameroon don't make it pass the group stage of the ANC.
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