I would like him to say that in response to the complaints from fans, the club has decided to produce an Apprentice reality programme. The 6 loudest, most obnoxious letter/e-mail writers have been chosen to undertake the task of developing a championship and CL winning squad through transfers and development. Their efforts will be reviewed and graded by Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho (to ensure impartiality), and then run through Football Manager. The winner will receive a lifetime of seasons tickets to Stoke City.